my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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