He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
