every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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