either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
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they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize