Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Randomize
