if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
