Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
