please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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