I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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