she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
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I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
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I just want to make out with him forever
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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