Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
