Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
