At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Are my feet made of real feet?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
