Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
