ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
