This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
