I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Michael Bay diarrhea
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
