my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
