Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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