The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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