Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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