I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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