there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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