Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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