I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
