4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
