I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
