Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
