Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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