I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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