I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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