we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
