just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
