I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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