wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
