He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
