im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
