I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
