Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
