So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
