I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
