check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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