I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
