Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
