you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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