I just cut my nipple shaving
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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