i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
