my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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