i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
