i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
