Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
