When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
