i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
