youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
