is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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