Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
