Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
