Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize