i would punch a child for taco bell
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
