YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize