You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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