Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
