This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
