Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
