mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
