so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
