I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
