somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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