I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
