also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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