Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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