is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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