I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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