I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
