If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
