They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
